Needing, not Needy!

We are women; we give, share, create, achieve, beautify, nurture, relate, communicate, connect and care-take. And we’re busy! Whew! We get hungry: hungry for rest, for understanding, for comfort, for shelter, for nourishment, for reassurance, for softness, for yummy good feelings in our bodies and for unconditional love. And when we get it…sigh. Aaaahhhh!
So when did wanting to be listened to, cared for, supported, understood, accepted or to be touched with tenderness, love and affection make us needy?

“Needing” is not the same as neediness! Neediness is a demanding, desperate, yearning empty hole that never fills – no matter what. It says, “I am not enough and I need you to tell me I am enough.” In the absence of self-worth, compliments, assurance, approval, and support is not trusted or received, no matter how genuinely or abundantly it is given. The more needy, the more one needs. And there is a high probability of exhausting your partner with incessant demands for validation and reassurance.
In contrast, need fulfillment is a natural part of the human experience. The reason we risk vulnerability and exposure in relationship is to share ‘who we are’ and our feelings – so we can invite an opportunity for intimacy and acceptance. So we can get our needs met!

Feeling worthy is what allows one to NEED and not be needy. But if we don’t feel worthy, we can never risk this kind of exposure and potential rejection. Pleasing, self-protecting, over-giving and suppressing one’s own authenticity, true needs and desires just to be loved even a little, becomes a habit.

Now, being in the wrong relationship can make anyone feel emotionally insecure. If you are typically a confident, trusting, esteemed and secure person, and suddenly find yourself feeling desperate, doubtful, suspicious, fearful and clingy -take this as a sign you’re in the wrong relationship. But if you know you consistently look to a man to fill you up, give your life meaning and direction, or need his compliments, attention etc. to feel good about yourself- it is time to develop a more secure and esteemed identity.

It only takes small daily acts of self-care and a lot more self-acceptance to create emotional security independent of another.
It is healthy to want and ask for love, support, affection and attention. But, this must come from a firm foundation of self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence. If you learn to BE more fulfilled in yourself, you will attract more love into your life and never again feel afraid – that you will lose it. Because you cannot lose the love you already are.

Click here to learn how to get worthy in love!

Big Worthy Love,

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